After a marriage ends, we might experience many difficult emotions. And why wouldn’t we? After all, no one gets married expecting to get divorced. We’re not just hoping for a lifetime of love—we expect it and we’re excited about it!
So when things take an unfortunate turn and we get divorced, we might feel everything from disappointment and anger to sadness and despair. Often we tell ourselves, “I’ll never put myself through this again.” We might find it hard to believe that we could love and trust someone else enough to ever get remarried. It’s not surprising that after our happily-ever-after hopes have been shattered, the idea of going through it again can be daunting, painful, or scary. I understand all those feelings and the hesitation to open up your heart again to love and potential loss.
But let me offer you another way to look at it. Without risk, there is no reward. And while I don’t want you to rush and jump back into dating before you’re ready, I DO want you to keep your heart and mind open to the possibility of loving and marrying again.
Why open yourself up to another marriage? Because there are countless ways a happy marriage can bring joy into your life. Consider these six very real benefits of being married (even the second time around!).
1. You have someone in your life who really knows you, likes you, and loves you—in spite of your faults.
There’s nothing quite like having “your person” be someone who chooses you (even if you’re lucky enough to have loving and supportive parents, siblings, or children). It’s a true gift to have a spouse who appreciates all that is wonderful about you and also accepts all that isn’t so great about you. If you’ve experienced the joy of truly knowing someone and being fully known by them, you know it’s a feeling worth having again—even if you have to risk your heart to get it.
2. You might live a longer and healthier life.
When we were kids, we used the “buddy system” because it’s safer to travel in pairs than to go it alone. Studies show married people have better survival rates after events like heart attacks and strokes than single individuals. Plus, you’re safer living with a companion versus living alone, especially if you are a woman, you’re getting up there in years, or you have mobility issues. From picking up cough syrup for you at the drug store to supporting you though a serious illness, your spouse provides an additional layer of stability and security to your life.
3. You have a true teammate and cheerleader.
Working alongside someone you love to create a life you enjoy together is uniquely fulfilling. Sure, when you live with someone, you have to make compromises, but you also get to cooperate and collaborate and do things together—renovate a house, plant a garden, learn new skills and hobbies, take vacations, raise kids or pets. You could do these things alone, but it’s more fun to do them with your favorite person! Looking ahead to the future and working as a team to get there is satisfying in a totally different way than going solo.
4. You get to take the fast track to personal growth and refinement.
One of my favorite analogies about being married compares the two individuals to rocks with jagged edges and rough spots. Left alone, each rock keeps its shape with all its flaws. But in marriage, the two rocks are thrown against each other—sometimes in conflict and ultimately in compromise–constantly knocking jagged edges off one another until both are smooth. We become the best version of ourselves when we are engaged in self-improvement, and a successful marriage allows us to do so in a uniquely effective way.
5. You enjoy financial advantages that can be game changers for both of you.
Have you heard the expression Two can live as cheaply as one? While that may not be exactly true in the literal sense, there absolutely are significant ways to save when you’re married. Splitting the rent, buying food in bulk, getting a break on your shared insurance policies, and enjoying tax breaks are all possible monetary benefits to being married. Don’t forget to look into other potential financial perks for married people too like social security, IRAs, and mortgages.
6. You get a chance to love and be loved and heal the hurt of your previous marriage.
It’s important to do your own personal work for healing and self-discovery after a divorce to address how you may have contributed to problems in the marriage. But once you’ve done that, there’s no reason to resign yourself to a life of loneliness! Bring your newfound self-awareness and improved interpersonal skills to a new relationship to bless the life of a new person and allow that person to bless yours. You can’t get a “do over” on your failed marriage, but you CAN get a fresh start and do things better the second time around.
The Bottom Line – Don’t Give Up on the Idea of Marriage
If you’ve been in love before, you know there’s nothing else like it. Way after the infatuation wears off, you’ve got a partner in every sense of the word—you have “your person.” In a good marriage, you love each other, strive to make each other happy, and do things together. You have fun together, and you get through hard times together. You make plans together, solve problems together, laugh and cry together. You put each other first and you decide every day to stay committed. There’s no other relationship that is fulfilling in quite the same way as a marriage relationship. You are one another’s number one cheerleaders, and you are a family, even if it’s only the two of you.
Start Things Off on the Right Foot with a Prenuptial Agreement
I’ve seen some individuals and couples who are afraid to get married a second time because of the fear of losing assets and money in (another) divorce. If you have this fear, let me remind you that a prenuptial agreement prepared by an experienced and compassionate family law attorney will help alleviate those fears. The conversations you’ll have with your future spouse as part of the process will facilitate communication about important issues before you get married. And with your prenuptial agreement in place, you’ll both have confidence that both of you have the financial safety and security you need.
Explore your prenuptial agreement and divorce options in Santa Rosa and Sonoma County and schedule a confidential consultation with divorce attorney Jeanne Browne. With more than 30 years of experience helping couples divorce without court through mediation and collaborative practice, she will give you compassionate legal advice on your issues related to family law, divorce, and prenuptial/postnuptial agreements. Click here to schedule a meeting.
Please note that articles posted on this website are for general information purposes only and are not to be considered legal advice. Every situation is unique and we recommend you reach out for a private conversation about your specific circumstances and concerns by booking a consultation.