Divorce and Forgiveness with Jeanne Browne
Sonoma County Divorce Lawyer
Questions to Ponder during your Divorce:
1. How can I ever forgive my ex for what he did to me?
2. Why would I even want to forgive him?
3. If I do forgive him, do I have to trust him again?
Divorce brings different levels of anxiety, whether you simply agreed to “go your separate ways,” or it’s a knock-down, drag-out fight over everything from the teddy-bear cookie jar to who gets the kids for 4th of July this year. Maybe your ex cheated on you, hid it, and now pretends as if it is fine to introduce your son to the new relationship just three months later. Hurt. Runs. Deep.
Have you found it difficult to impossible to share joint custody with a self-centered co-parent? Are you so injured deep inside that forgiveness seems virtually impossible? You are not alone! Let’s talk about the “WHY” before we get to question #2.
Recently, a collaborative speaker gave us divorce attorneys some insight and medical facts. Grudges, anger, and resentment cause physical harm to our bodies –sometimes even heart attacks. She said when we harbor hate, thoughts of revenge, and a spirit of hostility, this is downright unhealthy for our bodies, mind and spirit!
Here we are taking all kinds of vitamins and special herbs advertised on Facebook or You-Tube to make us “healthier,” “stronger,” or give us” more energy,” yet we arrive to the custody exchange with our handy load of revenge boulders in our designer purses or cargo pants! (Not just you, I’m right there with you – guilty as charged! I have harbored toxic thoughts at court about opposing counsel and his client, and yet that morning I took lots of “healthy” amino acid supplements! (Yeah, that worked… not.)
The emotional piece of divorce is HUGE. We have to remember how POWERFUL we BECOME when we “step up to the plate” and avoid playing the blame game. Best to stop telling ourselves we are victims without a way out. We asked the judge to make a ruling, but hate him the result. Forgive the judge – isn’t that the job we asked him to do? We, ourselves, placed the outcome in his control. Let’s take our control back and find paths to peace with others.
I want shed some hostility today. How about you? Let’s unload these rocks together, OK?